The Successful Dilettante
December 20, 2006 Issue 12
Editor: Susan Henderson, coach@susanhenderson.com
Visit our website at: http://www.susanhenderson.com
The Successful Dilettante, published on the 5th and 20th of each month, is sent only to those who have subscribed to it - or was forwarded to you by someone you know. I value your privacy and never share my mailing list with anyone. If a copy has been sent to you by a friend or colleague and you wish to receive your own copies, you may subscribe by visiting: http://www.susanhenderson.com/newsletter.html.
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Greetings!
I hope this finds you all warm and cozy. Glad tidings to both old and new subscribers. Again, I thank you for sharing this ezine with your friends, family. and colleagues. Our wonderful multi-faceted community is growing. I love hearing from you. My invitation is always open to you to contact me with questions, suggestions, or to share your challenges and successes. Please let me know if you feel ready to share your story (or know some one who would) and would like to discuss being the featured guest in an upcoming issue.
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Outing Your Innie
What's an Innie? Are you one?
According to Marti Olsen Laney in her groundbreaking book The Introvert Advantage: How to Thrive in an Extrovert World, introversion is a type of temperament. We are born with it; it is in our genes. She writes: "It is not the same as shyness or having a withdrawn personality, and it is not pathological. It is also not something you can change. But you can learn to work with it, not against it."
Extroverts (Outies) outnumber Introverts (Innies) three to one. Our cultural bias towards the outer-directed characteristics of this type of temperament has caused many an Introvert (Innies) to believe something is wrong with them starting in childhood where the rewards are given for action and speaking up - such as class participaton as 25% of your grade. The truth is one is not better than the other. The primary difference between Innies and Outies is where their source of energy comes from.
Outies are energized by the outer world and gain that energy by participating in activities outside of themselves. They enjoy talking, socializing and working around people; feeling refreshed by the contact. This is their fuel.
Innies, however, refuel their energy by the internal world of impressions, ideas, emotions, and thinking things through. Although they may like people very much, just being in crowds, classes and noisy social functions can be draining and they feel the need to escape to a quiet place to refuel.
December is probably the most stressful month for Innies with crowded shopping malls, office parties, and family gatherings, large or small. You do not have to attend every function that comes along, but if you can't avoid (or you want to attend) a gathering, that you know will drain you, here are some tips offered in The Introvert Advantage to conserve your energy before you go.
- Don't schedule too many social occasions in the same week.
- Take a walk, read, nap, or sit in nature before the get-together.
- Drink plenty of water and take deep breaths when you feel anxious about the party.
- Eat some protein to boost your energy before you leave home.
- Have the sitter come early so you can get ready without a hassle.
- Listen to a relaxation tape of calming music on the way to the party.
- Set aside time the following morning to recharge.
Since I am a raging Innie, I have to gird my loins in order to get out amongst the masses. I know my limits and I do strategize a plan before I go. Once there I tend to find a place to plant myself and stay in one spot observing or entering into some deeper and more interesting conversations with whoever may show up. If things get too over-whelming, there is always the option of a bathroom break for quiet and a few deep calming breaths. When I have had enough, I take my leave sometimes saying goodbyes and sometimes not.
Happy Holidays!
Hugs,
Susan
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Featured Guest: Soni Pitts
Today's guest caught my interest a couple of years ago when I was more of a lurker than a poster on the forum at Barbara Sher's website. I loved reading her insightful posts and was impressed with this woman's raw honesty about her eclectic life. A couple of months ago, I was searching the web for information on writing and posting articles and there was Soni with some great advice at Squidoo.com. Again she popped up when I was reading Coachville newsletter. And then something I was searching for led me to one of her blogs. And so on. She probably wondered where the heck I came from when I contacted her out of the blue and invited her to be a featured guest, but she graciously agreed and I am so happy she did. She describes herself as 'an organic, free-range human specializing in whatever looks good today. ' Let's find out.
Q: Soni, how did you come to live the life you enjoy today?
Sheer stubbornness. And an innate inability to give a crap what anyone thinks about the decisions I make regarding my own life. LOL
Q: When did you realize you would be happiest doing a multitude of things?
I remember once as a kid mulling over what Mom did for a living (at that point, she was a news room reporter at a local newspaper and had been for some time) and suddenly being aware of just how long she'd been doing more or less the same thing over and over. This realization triggered a wrenching reaction in the pit of my stomach, along with the incredulous and horrified thought, "How can anyone do the exact same thing over and over that many years without going completely insane?" Incredulous because, as a kid, I'd never done anything for more than maybe the length of a school project, and horrified because I also realized at that moment that growing up probably meant being expected to do the same thing myself. It was, to say the least, an eye-opening moment.
Later on in life, I discovered that passion for a career or activity can make the years fly by. But at the time, the very thought of being stuck doing the exact same thing for years on end was just appalling. And I must note that although my mother was good at her job and liked some of its aspects, she never had any passion for it and always felt as if she were being held hostage to the income. As a kid, I definitely picked up on this undercurrent of wage slavery, which certainly didn't help.
Q: How do you balance your multiple interests into a meaningful career?
I don't. I decided long ago that I'd rather have a meaningful life, created from a patchwork of work, service, enjoyment and whatever else felt was important to me at the time, than to worry about such culturally-created and expectation-based concepts as a "career."
What's meaningful to each of us changes over time, but too many people get caught up in that sunk-cost "career" framework and end up staying in jobs they've come to hate in order to avoid being labeled as a quitter. Our culture has devalued those who actually take the time on a regular basis to see if what they're doing still reflects what's actually important and meaningful to them and who have the good sense to change direction if it's not, calling them flip-floppers, dabblers and worse. General opinion seems to be that it doesn't matter that you're headed off a cliff as long as you're making good time and "staying the course." What a crock.
Q: How do you manage your time? Do you make a plan?
Heh...time management has never been one of my strong points. I make lots of plans, sure. Then I just go ahead and do whatever seems like a good idea at the time. Planning, I'm good at. Following the plan...eh, not so much. On the other hand, I end up doing some crazy-fun stuff that I never would have done had I stuck to the plan and it almost always turns out way better than what I had in mind, so I'm not exactly tripping over myself to fix what isn't broken.
Q: Have you had any mentors?
Not who are aware of the fact. But I've read a lot of "how to live" books, and I've noted an interesting dichotomy. If you read the author bios and look at their photos, the straight-and-narrow-career-track group always have lives and photos that are very upright and respectable and serious -
and dull as dishwater.
But then there are these other folks whose "careers" have spanned the breadth and depth of human activity - rescuing endangered frogs in the Amazon, home-schooling their kids, playing professional chess, hitchhiking across Tibet, etc. And in their photos and biographies they all look eternally young and full of laughter, and seem to be having a blast. Those are my mentors.
Q: What advice or tips would you share with our readers?
When it comes to deciding how to live your life, no one who has the option of opting out at any time during the process should ever get a deciding vote. Also, studies show that happiness is less about what you do than why you do it - enjoyment, meaning and personal control consistently play a much bigger role in perceived happiness than wealth and status, even among the very rich.
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At the moment, Soni Pitts is spending her days working with low-income kids through an Americorps program that provides a safe and supportive environment where they can get academic and personal help and experience positive role models. Read about her latest adventure at:
http://gettingthingsdone.wordpress.com
She is also in the early stages of creating a business of freelance copywriting, a long-time love that she says she's finally decided to take seriously. See her portfolio at: http://sonipitts.com/copywriting.php.
Visit Soni's personal blog, The Divinely Guided Boot of Upward Inspiration, at: http://sonipitts.blogdrive.com. Soni offers the following warning: "blog contents are not always safe for work, Republicans, the emotionally sensitive or small children. LOL!" Don't say you weren't warned!
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If you would like to learn more about if and how Susan Henderson Coaching might be able to help you achieve your desired results, please contact me to set up a time to talk. We will start with a complimentary phone conversation where I can learn more about you, your current situation and goals. I will be happy to answer any questions you may have about me, how I work with clients, and the coaching process. If we both feel the coaching relationship is a good fit, we will move on from there.
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2006 Susan Henderson, All rights reserved.
Susan Henderson Coaching
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Bremerton, WA 98312
